There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
