i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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