it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
