did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
