Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
