There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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