Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
