i think my tv is drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
