I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
