So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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