If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
