Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
