if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
