Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
