I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
