Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize