im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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