A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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