new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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