last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
