this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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