so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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