he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So apparently I’m into choking now
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