awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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