I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like, not good at living.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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