i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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