I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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