Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
