sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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