I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
