As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
