question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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