A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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