My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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