That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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