Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
