in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
