we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
