They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
