oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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