Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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