dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
