I am in a vortex of obligation.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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