she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
