Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
