you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
