Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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