Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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