Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
