im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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