Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
