i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
