Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize