You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
