I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
