Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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