No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
