Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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