hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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