could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
