I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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