There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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