Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
