Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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